English in a daily basis

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WORDS OF WISDOM FOR WISE GUYS
(Snappy retorts that enable one to crack wisely)
http://www.fakecrap.com/funfree/wisecracks.html (wisecrack = clever or sarcastic remark)
• I like your approach. Now let's see about your departure.
• When it comes to helping you out, I will stop at nothing.
• Next time you pass my house I'll really appreciate it.
• The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
• He always makes people laugh, especially when he leaves the room.
• He does the work of three men: Larry, Curly and Moe.
• He always thinks twice before speaking, so he can come out with something really nasty.
• He has occasional flashes of silence that make his conversation brilliant.
• He started out in life as an unwanted child. Now he's wanted in 10 states.
• He was a model husband -- just not a working model.
• My mind is already made up so don't confuse me with the facts.
• He has a good head on his shoulders, but it would look better on his neck.
• His mouth is so big, when he yawns his ears disappear.
• She has so many wrinkles on her forehead she has to screw her hat on.
• He has a nice personality -- but not for a human being.
• He's a second story man. Nobody ever believes his first story.
• He was born April 2nd -- one day too late.
• Nobody can call him a quitter -- he's always been fired from every job he ever had.
• Show me a man with very little money and I'll show you a bum.
• He's a man of his convictions and he has served time for every one of them.
• Stick with me and you'll have onions as big as diamonds.
• Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
• No, my powers can only be used for good.
• How about never? Is never good for you?
• I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
• You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
• I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
• Who me? I just wander from room to room.
• My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
• It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
• At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.